Teenage love one year later

11 May

Somehow over the last year, my Beloved and her skater boy became a solid steady teenage unit.

Kid: Mom, guess what?  WBB [world’s best boyfriend] and I have been together for one year and we’re celebrating our anniversary this week.

HM: Huh?

Kid: Mom, are you listening, we’ve been going out for 1 year and I need to buy a present.

HM: Huh?

Ok, so it did seem like we’d known this kid for quite a while, but one year, impossible.  OMG, it’s actually been one year…and you’ve dated that long?  How can that be?  How did we let this happen?  Ok, stop hyperventilating and focus.

teenage love Teenage love is one of those fleeting moments that you get to relish, knowing it will end, yet remembering how thrilling it felt to have your first crush.  Just Plane Dad and I have very specific rules on dating or whatever the kids are calling it these days, and quite honestly, that’s probably what’s kept them together this long.  It’s hard to fight against Mother Nature and your heart, except when your girlfriend has helicopter parents and you remain under more scrutiny than the top guy on America’s Most Wanted.

We pride ourselves on having an open dialogue about all teenage issues, particularly those involving sex of any kind, and we’re so proud that Beloved and WBB tolerate our meddling.  Way before we had to worry about boys, we discussed topics of relevance that were bound to come up.  We have always spoken of what’s referred to in our household as “No DDSS”.  No Drugs, Drinking, Swearing, Sex or sex talk of any kind.  That’s quite a mouthful so we use the acronym which makes it easier for us to recall the no no’s and when reiterated in public, isn’t quite so mortifying for our Beloved.  Friends that may overhear have no idea what it means; unless they too have stayed over at our house, in which case they are also subjected to the speech.

We must admit that our parents never mentioned any of these things but we’ve felt it super important to take away the stigma and mystique for them by remaining open and having a “no question is off bounds” rule.  Yes, this keeps me and Just Plane Dad on our toes but it also gives us an amazing chance to tell our daughter our true feelings and the reasons behind them.  She knows that we don’t want her to perform any type of sex act before she’s in a committed adult relationship, not because it’s gross or nasty, but because it is very important to remain pure for the person that will ultimately matter most.

It’s not enough to say because we told you so, it’s vital to express that intimacy is so much better when you are an adult, who is in love and able to fully commit to your partner.  The most difficult part of this lesson is that as the boy du jour, WBB, also had to make these commitments to us. Truthfully, he was more on board than she.  WBB fully knows our expectations and the consequences of choosing wrongly.  It was one of the most difficult conversations for all four of us, but it was amazing to see two kids make a commitment to themselves, each other and their parents, to enjoy just being teenagers without strings attached.  They go against the grain and we never take it lightly what that means and its importance.  It’s not easy for today’s teens to explain how different they are from their peers, especially to their peers, much less to actually “BE” different.

Many of the children in high school have their own children or have had issues with drinking or drugs.  We often wonder if their households are a place of open dialogue and if it had been, would their lives be different.  Do children make mistakes?  Yes, and mine has too…but we take that opportunity to teach life’s lessons so they understand how to recoup from it and become stronger.

Hovering high and low, Helicopter Mom and Just Plane Dad

8 Responses to “Teenage love one year later”

  1. Anne Campbell May 19, 2016 at 11:07 AM #

    Communication is vitally important–getting over embarrassment is hard, but talking openly is especially necessary. My parents couldn’t do that, so I’m making sure to talk with my boys about everything.

  2. Tiffany May 17, 2016 at 9:17 AM #

    I was always so open with all of my kids about drinking, drugs, sex, all of it! I thought for sure I had given them every tool to say no, and every expectation to say no, and I felt confident that they had their own desires to say no. Unfortunately sometimes teenagers make choices that break our hearts, but even if they fall off the pedestal for a moment, raising them with open dialogues and honest expectations makes it much easier to pick them up and put them back on the right road!

  3. Michelle Marine May 16, 2016 at 2:04 PM #

    My eldest child just turned 12 and we haven’t had this discussion yet, but I know it’s coming. Thanks so much for the tips. DDSS – I can remember that. 😉

  4. Angela May 16, 2016 at 10:57 AM #

    Awe. Teenage love. So cute how that one year just crept up on you too! Love the open Question policy. I agree authenticity over perfection. Reality over delusion :). Keep doing your parent thing, sounds like it’s working!

  5. L. E. Mastilock May 15, 2016 at 10:37 PM #

    It’s so important to start young with no questions are off limits. I try to give a listening ear to anything they ask, even if it seems silly or unimportant. I want them to always feel like they can come to me about any topic and I will always listen. Good job mama!

  6. Crystal May 13, 2016 at 2:59 PM #

    Congrats on having a healthy relationship with your teen, mine with my parents was just the opposite which is going to make it difficult as my children grow to be more open with them, but we’ll get there.

  7. Anne Campbell February 23, 2015 at 10:47 PM #

    It’s wonderful that you and your husband keep an open dialogue with your teen. Parents should be the first place teens turn for advice and guidance rather than their peers.

    • Helicopter Mom and Just Plane Dad February 24, 2015 at 10:07 PM #

      Yes, I love just talking with her and listening to her ideas and hopes for the future. I remember the crappy advice my “teen” friends gave me so I’m glad that she respects our opinion too.

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