Why are some people built to micro-manage?
23 Jan
Just Plane Dad mentioned this topic casually the other day as he prepared for an important meeting. Why do some people feel the need to micro-manage other’s lives? About halfway through our grump session, I realized that I exhibit the same attributes as those we were complaining about.
As a General Manager, he uses his micro-managing powers for good. As helicopter parents, we use them for evil. Hah! Bet that’s what you thought I’d say, but no, regardless of what the outside world feels, I have the best intentions.
For me, micro-management in parenting should be called guidance, protection, or discipline, to name a few. Piloting our daughter to a productive adulthood is of the highest priority. Our life is centered on making the right choices in raising her. I wear my Helicopter Mom title proudly and I realize that micro-management is at its most fundamental level. Unlike the corporate world however, I am totally invested in whether or not my child follows the path I’ve laid out.
At work, Just Plane Dad can leave his staff the list of tasks that need to be accomplished and if they don’t do it, he can choose whether or not to give them reminders or assistance or if they fail to complete the work, he can terminate them. Thankfully for his staff, he feels as adults they shouldn’t have to be watched over and expects them to work without his “babysitting”.
At home, the game changes.
If Beloved doesn’t follow the path we’ve paved for her, the consequences could be dire for her future. Kids that aren’t given direction will look for things to fill the void…bad things! We most definitely have to micro-manage her. I use every available method to drive home my message. I have an entire stash of lists, sticky note reminders, cell phone texts, verbal reminders and FaceBook notices to remain on her radar. Perfect example, it’s not enough to just tell your kids not to smoke, they need to really understand the dangers and know your stance on the issue if they are to succeed in staying away from cigarettes. They also need to be reminded of your thoughts on the matter or it will leave their angelic little heads.
If we didn’t hover micro-manage, how would we know that she intends to follow through with our rules and wishes? Another example is school, it’s not enough to simply hope your child is passing Science; you have to ask about assignments, read the progress notes, and show up to the parent-teacher conferences. Beloved attends home school therefore I’m relied upon to participate in the learning process more than most; which feeds my desire to be near her. Even though she’d like me to not peer over her shoulder as much as I do, I feel it’s my job [while she’s a child] to be available if she needs help.
Her future boss can thank me as she’ll probably find this annoying behavior perfectly normal when she enters the real world. With regards to the corporate world, it’s frustrating for adults to be handled the same way, so tell us the task to complete and then back off!
Hovering high and low, Helicopter Mom and Just Plane Dad
Micromanaging and guidance are not interchangeable words. I disagree with this post
Both mean to direct the motion of someone. We can agree to disagree!
For projects I’m involved with outside of the home, I despise being micromanaged or having to micromanage someone else but I too have to fight the urge to micromanage at home. I guess it is the universal parental struggle.
I think there’s a balance… although, I’m not sure that I’m good at it. I try though… but I probably lead more toward being a helicopter mom.
The first 9 weeks of the school year, I give my kids the benefit of the doubt and let them do it “their way.” IF it works, I’m not so hard on them (doesn’t mean I don’t check grades or ask questions, but I don’t sit on them.)
I don’t allow Cs in my house unless a C is the very best that you can do. And very best would require working your tail off. So if their way doesn’t work… we do it my way. And my way is pretty much sitting on them.
I think they need to learn that mom and dad aren’t going to be there when they turn 18 to make all their decisions for them. I think they need to know what failing looks and feels like (not on a major level but on a smaller scale) so that they aren’t devastated the first time it happens when they are on their own.
That’s not to say that I don’t want the best for them… I DO! But I want them to do well when they move out on their own.
I’m not knocking ANYTHING you’re saying here.. I’m not. Who am I to? I circle low quite a bit with my kids.
But at the same time, I DON’T want to be the helicopter mom after they turn 18. So there is where I feel the balance comes in and again, I’m still working on that.
Perhaps I should blog about this since I just wrote an entire blog post on your page!
Here from the blog hop… and I’ll be back!
I agree, my job is “finished” when I’ve successfully navigated her to an adult. Thanks for the post.
you wear that title proudly mama!
i’ve got two teens and two preschoolers and i’m so glad that i’m a work from home now and can manage directly! teens need guidance, preschoolers need guidance. we can’t expect them to always make the right decisions, instead we need to be there to teach them how to make those decisions. loved this post!
Yes, they absolutely need guidance…and patience…and understanding. I could go on and on. Thank you for stopping by. How do you handle teens and little ones? I’m tired thinking of it and jealous of the amount of joy they must bring.
Just stopping by to say Hi!I saw your post over in the facebook group.
Thanks. I appreciate you visiting. Please feel free to offer advice; I’m all ears!
Love the name of your blog! I can only imagine about all the micro managing that I am going to perform on my little ones in the future years…Wish me luck!
Thank you, we thought it was a clever spin on the usual title. Yes, I’m afraid there will be quite a bit of micro-management. Or at least I hope so!
Totally agree with you! Great post! =)