Divorce is a devastating end to one of the happiest moments in our lives. It’s a final “no thank you” after years of “yeses”. I could not imagine my life without Just Plane Dad. The worst part must be that your children now have to choose sides, yes even if you think you are hiding it from them, they will know and feel obligated to sympathize with one of their parents. Once you’re past that guilt trip, you then may have to share custody. Can you even fathom only seeing your children part-time?
I can barely stand the long drive home after a day at work and away from Beloved. I’m quite sure that I would flip out if she were gone for days on end at her Dad’s house. How do kids get their little minds around that? In our twenty years, the D word has not risen its ugly head thankfully but we’ve seen many of Beloved’s friends go through this horrible crisis. The New Guy’s family is the most recent victim or so they say. I have noticed over the years that often our children talk amongst themselves and we hear that their families are splitting up and they put their children through all that worry. Oftentimes nothing happens, thankfully, and the families appear to stay the same.
So my question is, then why even bother discussing it with your kids until the decision is final and definitely happening. Or more importantly, why discuss the details at all? When the divorce is pending, let the kids know how they are impacted, tell them you both love them and start the repair process. I think adults often tell their kids way too many details of their life. Kids don’t need to know that their Dad cheated or their Mom is an addict; even if they are teens, keep the dream alive for them and their relationship with their parents intact. Easier said then done.
Back to TNG, now that the D word is floating around he has to deal with those feelings and so as my daughter’s boyfriend, so does she. I try to remind her to be positive and supportive but truthfully, I don’t want her weighed down with the responsibility of worrying about adults that couldn’t get it right either. She needs to be carefree and worry-free and so does he. Now that we know, obviously we can assist and support him and his family, as much as they’ll allow. For now, we’re just praying they will reconsider and work it out.
Hovering high and low, Helicopter Mom and Just Plane Dad